Why I Quit my Job to Move to NYC and the Future of We Met on Tinder

Two weeks ago, I worked my final shift at my job, I aired the final episode of We met on Tinder and I packed my life into three suitcases to move across the country. This. Is. Why.

You ever get the feeling that everything happens all at once? Sometimes nothing happens at all and then the next thing you know, BAM, all the fragments of your life come jabbing at you at an increasing speed. Some parts of it are good, some are bad, some exist in a weird space between the two and all you can do is face it. Or not. The choice is yours.

For me, it began on New Year’s Eve, moments before the countdown, I cried into my manager’s arms. I had been sick for two months, working 5-6 serving shifts a week and the DayQuil I was using to get through the pain of talking to guests was wearing off. Tears started to form in my gut. That might not be scientifically correct, but that’s how it happened. I could feel them start to rumble to the top and gurgle at the back of my throat while I forced a smile. I fired a course incorrectly and then a guest asked for me to open several bottles of wine. I had a 12-top staring at me menacingly. If you haven’t worked in the service industry, maybe this means nothing to you. But just imagine trying to do your job while 30 disgruntled, inebriated people stare at you. Sorry, not people. LIONS. Imagine lions just stare at you while you try to work. That’s what it feels like. The pressure, the beads of sweat and anxiety. All while trying to remain joyful, because it is the holidays after all. It’s the happiest fucking time of the year.

I had the amazing opportunity of working at a restaurant that received a lot of critical acclaim in Los Angeles, in a neighborhood where I grew up. It was incredible to be a part of; I felt very lucky to work there. It was challenging, I studied before work. We were always busy. I learned how to manage my panic attacks and funnel that energy into a high working performance. I worked alongside some of the most badass humans I have ever met. Everyone from the servers to the line cooks to management to guests to our wonderful expo and utility badasses and our bartenders. I felt like I was out of my depth. I discovered how you can feel capable and entirely helpless all at once. Not to sound totally melodramatic. I know my coworkers felt the same. This is more for them.

Restaurants are romantic spaces. They are a sea of different people and experiences existing in one sphere. Sometimes I am great at entertaining people, making them feel taken care of and special. This is what all good servers have at their disposal. They can talk about food and wine and cocktails but mostly they put out fires while managing the emotional stressors from management and the back of house. They do their job. They pretend everything is fine even though ten different things went wrong while a guest asked for a side of olive oil and forgot to mention that someone at their table has a severe gluten allergy. Servers perform.

It’s magical. But it can drive you insane if you don’t have an outlet. And like any outlet, you have to be careful with which ones you choose.

First, a few small things happened. I met a guy, kissed the guy, drank too much, felt very dumb and insecure and sad. I slept all day and wrote very little. Something had to change. Otherwise I’d continue to be part of the same silly pattern that’s written about extensively in Sweetbitter. I didn’t want that story arc.

So, I had to finish We met on Tinder and make a drastic move.

A few days after crying into my boss’ arms, I started working with Matt Shaffner, who I met in a wine class for a previous restaurant job. He listened to We met on Tinder and wanted to be part of the creation of it. So we met up for coffee.

We spent the next five weeks working on the show together. I wrote, he produced the music, we edited and mixed together. I mostly told him how I wanted to cancel the show and he would talk me off the metaphorical edge. He believed in We Met on Tinder. So I’d uber to La Mirada from Silverlake. We’d listen to the tape I’d cut, analyzing the voices and interviews from a year before. I’ve said this on WMOT before, but I was mostly embarrassed to be making a show about dating and love, especially since it had been a while since I had even dated or liked someone in a legitimate way.

In the span of five weeks, Matt and I learned how to combine our styles to edit and mix a show that felt real. It isn’t the show I anticipated or expected. It isn’t perfect. But it’s done and it allowed me to say goodbye to the parts of me that felt needed to be in Los Angeles.

Then, a friend of mine posted that a room was available in her Brooklyn apartment in February. I messaged her and we talked on the phone. Do I take it? Do I quit a job that gave me my first taste of financial stability? Do I move even if it feels reckless?

If I wanted something to change, then maybe I had to let it happen.

I called up my friend and told her I wanted the room and that I’d move by mid-February.

So why New York?

Every person I admire has spent some time living in New York City. Producers and writers and artists I respect and whose careers I stalk online. I wanted to gain a new perspective, a new take on my life in a place that I knew would challenge me fully. I wanted to be far from every comfort and solace and take in new sounds and tastes and stories.

But it’s also a gut feeling that I have felt for a few years that I would move to NYC. It was only a matter of time. This move was inevitable. I know, veryyy cheesy.

The future of We Met on Tinder?

I went on my first date in a year and a half on my first night in NYC. We did not meet on Tinder and I am trying to do something differently this time. Try to live without expectations or hopes and just try to get to know myself and the person I am dating without the storyline playing out in my head before I read the book. But it is interesting being in a new city and trying out dating again. Other than that, I don’t think documenting my heart is something I am going to do for a while. Been there, done that. ya know?

Which means I don’t foresee going on ten dates again and documenting it for a show. If anything, I see “We Met on Tinder” being about different perspectives. I hear it being told by a different voice.

I do have another project idea in store, something I am excited to share in the next few weeks. And I am very excited to being working with two people who have helped me get this far and whose perspectives and insights I really value. It’s all happening.

I’m here now, writing from my Brooklyn apartment, looking for a job and trying to pick up the pieces of a new life that I am building here, which is scary and amazing at the same time. It is everything all at once.