the social experiment: "We Met on Tinder"

I'm going on ten Tinder dates in May. And then, after each date, I am interviewing them for a podcast that I will release in June. This was totally my idea. It was not a dare. And no, I was not drunk either.

The idea actually started in 2014. I went on a date and found myself somewhat awestruck by my own interviewing prowess. I am a writer and journalist by trade, so it wasn't a surprise that I would ask interesting questions or have an engaging conversation. That was my job, that was something I worked on being able to master for my career. It was something I excelled in naturally as an extrovert. The date ended and we ended up becoming friends. But after it was done, I found myself wanting to interview him. Not in the sense of a prospective boyfriend. Just in that I wanted to understand how dating on Tinder made him feel. Did it also feel weird and contrived meeting on an app? Did he also not know if he should continue swiping right even when the dates go well? What about ghosting a person or haunting their social media accounts? With everything that happens in the digital age, how does he feel about it?

How does he feel about all the ways you can continue to be in someone's life and all the ways you can leave it?

I haven't dated other writers or journalists, but I imagine they feel the same way about dating. Maybe while others feel awkward on dates, it is our own kind of Olympic-like feat. I love meeting new people and hearing their stories. Dating is not uncomfortable. It is when my social skills get to shine. However, there's one fundamental problem. Another reason why the interview seemed like a good way to understand myself and others. I have a weakness, an Achilles heel of dating, if you will. 

I have not dated much. But of the men I have dated, I have fallen. Like a goddamn rock that you cast over your shoulder into a deep, deep valley of emotional turmoil. The last guy I dated it could not have been more clear that I was just floundering about, trying to keep myself afloat while trying to get to know him. He didn't want anything serious. I think he said this a couple dozen times. But I didn't hear any of it, because it seemed obvious to me that he'd see how cool we were and chuck his hesitations aside. That didn't happen. And, it shouldn't have. But while I still jumped into the valley of feels, my friends told me I should date other guys at the same time. They called it "circular dating." They said I "should keep my options open." OPTIONS?! Have you met me? I am a dense compact tootsie roll of emotions and I ALREADY FOUND THE ONE I LIKE. I didn't want options. When I like someone, I like someone. I glow. Someone actually told me I was glowing the day I after I dated him. THAT IS RIDICULOUS. But it was true. So I deleted my Tinder/Bumble after the first date and I did not talk to anyone else. I didn't even consider it. 

That relationship eventually ended and two nights ago, the idea I had to interview strangers I met on Tinder came bubbling out of me again. I just wanted to understand the other side. The guy's side. Maybe it wouldn't be much. Maybe they were just looking for a hookup. Maybe they were just passing the time while sitting on the toilet or waiting for the commercial break to end on Hulu. Maybe they were getting over the last girl they dated. Or maybe they were looking for something real. I figured if I was straightforward about my intentions to interview them, I'd get the kind of guys that are interested in a real talk. A funny talk. An awkward talk. So I was lying in bed, watching the correspondent's dinner when I heard, Do it, Amor, it said. "It" being the idea beast that lives in me and was ravaging my brain space. Go on the dates, do the interviews, find the story. So I re downloaded the app and I wrote the following in my bio.  

So why am I doing this? Other than having a strange idea?

The answer is three-fold:

1. Emotional

I am not looking to meet someone. This isn't some kind of Bachelorette interview. I am more interested in meeting new people and broadening my social circle and gaining a better understanding of myself. I also don't know if I can chuck my heart into the valley of emotions right now. But dating is just a way of collecting experiences. So why make a challenge of it? Why not just go on dates like a normal person? 

First off, I don't really do things in the conventional sense. I like challenges and prompts. I like doing things outside of the box. I am kind of a weirdo freak in that way. And since I am not really looking to meet someone, ten is a number I can get to. It is a goal. It is a task. And I am trying to beat the clock, I have 31 days to find the guys, pick the dates, formulate the questions, conduct the interview, edit and put it out there. It will force me to just go on dates- some with guys I have talked to extensively, some with guys I have just set up a date with, some who just asked to be part of the experience. 

And to be frank, my heart needs it. If I meet someone, cool. But I really want nothing more than to understand myself, others and these guys I am swiping right for.

2. Career based

We live in a weird digital age of dating that has made us far better at communicating via a screen and asking someone out on an app. I want a real talk, face-to-face and I want to see where these guys are coming from. It's been one day since I put up the bio on my Tinder and I already have guys that are interested in the conversation. Sure, there are superficial elements to the date. Maybe they think I am cute or that I am interesting. That is nice, but I need to satisfy something else here. I need an understanding of what's going on in our twenty-something dating brains, living in this fucked up, complicated, emotional world. Tinder isn't just about the hookup. There's a story here. I don't know what it is yet, but I can feel it. So even if every interview turns out to be awful and awkward, it will just give me a chance to be a better interviewer and gather some pieces to this dating world. So, in a sense, this is a way for me to achieve my Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours of interviewing.

3. Scientific

I have quite a few guy friends, so I already have a pretty intensive look into the guy's perspective. But I am interested in seeing what I can learn from complete strangers. I want to see how honest we are willing to be and how comfortable the process will turn out. I've been wondering what this will mean for people who choose to follow this series. If you are a friend or are one of the guys who chooses to go on a date with me, thank you. But this is a very selfish writer/artistic project and I think you should know that I have no idea how this will turn out. 

This idea is completely absurd but I have itches to do projects like this and if I don't just do it, then it will end up eating me up at night. So to keep that from happening, I have been swiping right. 

I will continue to update this page as the series goes on. The project will be released in June under the title, "We Met on Tinder."